TENTH DIARY – Written Words on Passing Pages

The wolf knows, The moon, For which it longed For the whole month Will start fading Leaving the wolf Alone in the wild With it's aching heart In the dark night And so it cries In the full moon light

12 days, 4 cities, 2 marriages, multiple relative’s places, lots of travel, and so on. All these of course had a toll. However, I had imagined worse. When I returned to Delhi on 10th May, I weighed 83.95 against 84.70 on 25th April. Happy because despite everything (and similar weighing – after 3 glasses of water in the morning) I weighed lesser than before. Today, I weighed 83.30 which is exactly 2.0 Kg away from the target case line. So the journey so far got a drifted curve than projected. Is it possible to catch up? Whatever the answer is, I won’t recommend it to myself. One because I’m very much aware that the existing diet itself isn’t on the healthy side. Two, I’m also aware that having already shedded 7kgs the shedding is going to be naturally slower going forward. My Excel table currently ends on the 120th day, thus the projection in the Target-72 case ends at 74. There is a probability that I’ll stay on the 10% cheats line which ends at 72.76. And I’m fine with it. Hey, by th...

When you are in the routine days, it’s easy to follow the weight loss routine. When the daily routine is disturbed beyond a limit, the weight loss routine goes for a toss. At least this is happening to me. I was staying near my cousin’s place. We used to have dinner together. He got a job in Pune and so he had to leave Delhi. The last few days involved cooking lots of chicken and mutton, biriyani, and other tasty stuff. Of course, my taste buds had fun while the weight loss blabbered. And then I decided to change my flat. The whole searching, shifting, and adjusting to the new place has been quite hectic throwing my daily routine to a toss, and thus my weight loss. To many, and often to myself as well, it sounds like a series of excuses. But one of my teachers used to say, we shouldn’t fight wars on many fronts at once. 800 Cals on a hectic day with lots of physical activity isn’t healthy. On most of the days in the last two weeks, I was on the verge of a cheat, a bit more or les...

They say at the beginning it’s fast but soon it slows down. It seems like they are correct. Today morning I weighed 86.10kgs (after 3 glasses of water). Considering my last time recorded weight (Day 12, 87.55 kg), in ideal case it should have been 85.84kg, and in target chasing case 85.90kgs. This is a lag of approximately 1 day. Just to note again, ideal case corresponds to no cheat days, target case means 72kg on day 120, and the normal case leverages 10% cheats over ideal. I’m still cheering up because I’m still on ideal weight line (86.01kg on day 21) of my weight loss projection. What might be the possible reasons for the slowing up thing? I’m counting five factors. One, a bulkier body needs more energy to sustain. When I was over 90kgs, probably I had more cells, all of which needed to be fed. Now I have lesser. Or maybe, energy consumption per cell decreases. Currently, I’m not in the mood to research this, so leave this for later. Two, metabolism slows down. The weight lo...

Yesterday I ordered a weighing machine and the delivery guy woke me up at 8 AM to deliver it today. Amazon doing a great job, even though in fact I had canceled the order for high price reasons. Once you have a weighing machine, the paranoia of weight increases. Of course, I had to weigh myself, and I did. Before that I needed to know the thing is accurate – a half-liter milk pouch and a 1kg detergent packet served the purpose. Voila! I weighed myself. 87.55kgs, that’s it. Even by the strictest standards I had set for myself, I’m doing a great job. I’ve made an Excel sheet with weight projections – well, projections is what I do for a living and projections is what I’m doing for living, kind of, remember the obese classification thing? In the strict case, that is 800 calories limit every day without cheat, I should have weighed 87.72kgs. 2.45kg lost in 11 days made me a bit worried, is it healthy? Mark you, I had taken at least 3 glasses of water before weighing, so, it’s not the low...

Wait, Stop, Control the Hunger! So many times I’m required to tell this to myself. Especially when I’m not working or it’s a weekend. Somehow I reach the fridge, and I remember, and tell this to myself and get back. Since morning today, I’m only on papaya, however, it was a lot of it, more than half a kg. I also had a cup of milk tea without sugar. That makes a total of 250-300 cals till 2:30 pm. In the evening I’ll have light snacks and for dinner, I’ll have chicken with some rice. Overall it’s going to be around 800 cals for today. But it hasn’t been so every day till now. The number of cheats has been higher than I had expected, that’s beyond 10%. On the fourth night I had a heavy dinner in a restaurant and 7 th day, that’s yesterday was a pure play cheat – with a total of almost 2500 cals. After the dinner at the restaurant I had the guilt and wanted to make up, so I starved on the 5 th day – 500 cals, that’s it. But it caused gas, and I got a weakness. I realized it wasn’t hea...

Day 3: 21.03.2023 This is the third day of my weight loss journey. I started it on 19.03.2023. The day was not much special but I just got to remember that I need to lose weight and I can do it. I weigh approximately 90kg and given my height of 175 cm, it means a BMI of ~30. A BMI of over 30 is classified as obese and this is not acceptable to me. I have weighed myself several times in the past few months and every time it has been just short of 90, the psychological mark, and a few days back it was almost 90. I don’t look fat, but I’ve started hating my belly, especially when my shirt is forming wrinkles around. I joined the gym several times in the last year but couldn’t maintain discipline. No doubt, I keep myself sufficiently active but probably that’s not enough given my love for food. But, now I’m ready for a compromise for the sake of avoiding obese classification and the fat belly going back. And so, I’ve decided, (decided again) to give up my love for food for the next fou...

Imagine a dream of dreaming And when you wake up, You don't know Whether the dream is reality Or the reality is a dream

I wish I could catch these waves I wish I could hold them and tell You can't just touch me and leave Every sparkle you make as you move Makes a million bubbles dance in me

A thousand emotions Jumbled in my heart Ache to come out To be heard and felt By a special someone Sensing an absence I push them back Back to my heart Into a life of oblivion I feel the crowd I sense the pain I dip myself In a boundless hope

On that seashore Still lies my foot prints Lost somewhere in the sand Perhaps, a bit faded with time Perhaps a bit blown off But still having the same shape